Finding Calm and Managing Fear – for patients facing a terminal or life-limiting illness is a downloadable resource available here. It talks about:
- Finding calm and learning to relax
- Slowing down as a way of extending your relaxation and calm
- Living life as fully as you can from moment to moment
- Living life as fully as your capacity for wellness permits
- Managing fear will mean managing your thoughts and endeavouring to live in the present moment
- Bringing fears into the light of day: ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’
Here is an excerpt:
Managing fear will mean managing your thoughts and endeavouring to live in the present moment
If you are experiencing uncomfortable levels of fear and anxiety, it is probably the case that your mind is often preoccupied with thoughts about the future. Imagining or anticipating the future often involves thoughts of what could happen or might happen, with a tendency to imagine the worst or the most fearful possibilities, resulting in growing anxiety.
If you are experiencing a low mood, it may be because you are preoccupied with thoughts about the past. The past may have many fond memories, but thoughts of the past can also be self-punishing inviting sadness, regret, and a deepening sense of loss and grief.
You may need to rescue your mind from thoughts of the past and the future, by practising gently bringing your mind home to the present moment. Living in the present moment, though it may be very challenging at times, brings much less suffering, and is much less likely to overwhelm you, than your worst fears or regrets can create.
A practical little meditation you might try is following your breathing for a few minutes, and with each of your in-breaths imagining that you are bringing your mind home to your body and back to the present moment. You can use this whenever you notice that your mind has drifted off into the past or the imagined future. With practice, many patients find that this makes an appreciable difference to their ability to live life more fully and meaningfully, and without the burden of fear and anxiety.
Bringing fears into the light of day: ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’
If you have fears tucked away in the back of your mind, they can be quite corrosive, and can depress your mood and cause unnecessary anxiety. One of the best ways of bringing them out into the open, where they will likely immediately start to reduce in size and influence, is by talking them out with someone trusted: a relative, friend, or a counsellor that is a good listener, and will not be fearful of what you have to say. In doing this, you will also have opportunity to examine whether some of your thinking has been unhelpfully exaggerated, or overly prone to anticipating the worst.
If you are a man, you may find talking about your experience rather uncomfortable. You should never feel obliged to have to rake over your feelings with others; in fact, males have their own characteristic ways of talking about their experience with little use of feeling words at all. Males are also often more sensitive about privacy and confidentiality when making any personal disclosures. All of this is normal and reasonable, and will, hopefully be accommodated by a good listener.
